Namaste, Out the Road Blog

Not all post are happy and upbeat these two articles are the first I have found on the web about what is happening in Nepal in regards to adoption. Even though they speak mostly of the suspension of adoptions we still remain optimistic to the realization of a resolution to this issue soon.

Nepal News
This is a site dedicated to Nepal News. This article speaks to the plight of children in Nepal and what is being done to improve it.

Daily Times, Pakistan

Media for Freedom.com

Sorry for the glitches in getting to see the photos from my trip. The following links should now allow you to access them without having to register or log-in to Flickr:

All About Baby

Children's Home - June 2007
http://www.flickr.com/gp/79151818@N00/LfN294

Kathmandu Traffic and Street Shots
http://www.flickr.com/gp/79151818@N00/JfQ42w

Faith International Kids at Children's Home - June 28 to July 3, 2007
http://www.flickr.com/gp/79151818@N00/8312L7

Hi, Everyone,

This email now finds me back safe and sound in Atlanta. On July 3, I left my daughter -- fortunately, she was in good spirits, being fed by one of her caregivers after a couple of hours of dancing and playing in the Faith International baby room at Children's Home -- to begin my 38-hour return trip to Atlanta. As you can imagine, it was very hard to say good-bye and I shed some tears in those initial moments of leaving.

Since returning to Atlanta, I've been working diligently to get my photos and videos from the trip organized and online to share with all of you. The photos are on Flickr at:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/79151818@N00/collections/72157600701260221/ (If the link doesn't work, try copying and pasting it from this email into your browser's address bar.)

And, in the forwarded message here, you'll find a link to one of my favorite videos of the baby. I actually have about 100 minutes worth of video, including everything from my shots of the new Children's Home building and the other kids in the Faith International baby room, to a fair amount of time watching the baby sleep while I narrate my experiences in Kathmandu (I was trying to catch her funny expressions in waking up, but it took a bit longer to achieve this than I'd expected), to footage of her walking and exploring in my hotel room and swaying to some music in the baby room. If you'd like to see more, please let me know (unfortunately, the website I'm using for the videos only allows me to forward one at a time).

By way of an epilogue for my journey, I will say that it's been a bit tough to get back in the swing of my normal routine here in Atlanta, for several reasons. First, I've been struggling to get over a cold virus that I must have caught toward the tail end of my trip (one of the babies at Children's Home coughed hard, right in my face, on my last day in Kathmandu, so I suspect he's the little culprit). Also, the jetlag has been particularly tough to get over. I find myself in a bit of a daze a various times throughout the day, even though I've generally been sleeping well at night. I've also been struck with a bit of what I guess is culture shock at returning to the US, with its orderly spaciousness. After the near constant activity and human contact of Kathmandu, it feels a bit lonely here in my suburban, tree-covered neighborhood, with its single family homes on 1/4 acre lots. I miss the warmth of the people in my hotel and at the orphanage, and the varied sights
and sounds of the city, as chaotic as they are. Of course, most of all, I miss my beautiful, funny little daughter and the fun and challenge of being a new mom and learning how to keep her happy, healthy, and safe.

As of today, I've had no further word on whether the Minister will change his policy and allow the 440+ pending adoptions in Nepal to be processed under the existing laws. During the time I was in Kathmandu, and I believe continuing in the days since then, the extraordinary international efforts to lobby for this change continued. It does not appear that anyone, expect the Minister and one of his subordinates, supports the current suspension of the pending adoptions. Some have even suggested the policy is illegal under Nepali law. However, the Minister is a new, political appointee to his post and, as such, seems reluctant to lose face by changing this policy.

While these political games play out, the parents -- and their kids -- wait. I'm very fortunate to know that my daughter receives exceptionally good care at Children's Home, but, in general, studies show that kids suffer developmental costs for each additional month of institutional care. So, the waiting is not just a matter of inconvenience. For many kids, these delays come at a real cost.

Well, again, many thanks for your interest in my adoption and in my stories from this trip to Kathmandu. I will keep you abreast of the situation and hope that some time soon I will have the happy occasion to let you know that I'll be returning to Kathmandu to finalize the adoption and bring my little girl home.

Love,
PA

Just a quick note to let you know that I've arrived back to the house at about 7:30 PM tonight, just about 38 hours after getting to the airport in Kathmandu for my initial leg of the return trip.

All fine here say for the fact that I'm pretty tired and my throat is suspiciously scratchy. One of the babies in the baby room coughed right in my face yesterday, so I may have caught some bug there.

Well, I'll hope to be in touch soon with my epilogue from the trip.

Love,
PA

Hi, Everyone,

Just a quick note to let you know that I've decided to fly out of KTM on Tuesday, July 3, rather than today, July 2. I was able to get Qatar Airlines to waive the $150 change fee because they had caused my delay in arriving to KTM. I will miss having the free day -- the July 4 holiday --at home to get settled, but it will be a short, 2-day work week for me and then I'll have the full weekend to get caught up on things at home. In return, I get an extra day with the baby and my friends here in Kathmandu, this far-away city that's so hard to get to, but is starting to become a part of me now. I think it's a good trade.

(Juany, Can you please give Mom a call to let her know of my new arrival date? Thanks.)

Love,
Tati

It’s my second to last night in Kathmandu (barring any intentional or unintentional change in my return travel plans). I returned home to the hotel after some late evening shopping in the Thamel district and was surprised to find myself crying at the sight of the crib my little daughter has been using these past two days, empty save for her new toys lined up neatly along her new pink blanket.

Mom what a beautiful smile you have.

So, yes, I’ve already started thinking about how hard it’s going to be to say goodbye to her. We’ve spent the last two afternoons here at the Yak & Yeti, just the two of us. We’ve spent lots of time here in my room with her toys (drop the toy and have mommy pick it up is still the favorite game, but she also seems fond of her new Winnie the Pooh cell phone which plays a cute little song . . . “Let’s all talk to our friends today. Wouldn’t it be so much fun, to talk in such a friendly way . . .”) or preparing and drinking bottles of warm formula or taking long naps (well, at least one of us takes long naps). We’ve also gone out to the garden for a stroll and to let her test her fledgling walking skills on the soft lawn, and today we spent some time walking around the hotel lobby and gift shops. Wherever we go, everyone smiles at my baby, many times they want to hold her. She has won many hearts here. But especially mine.

I have no way to explain how in just over two days the need to protect her, to see her smile and outreaching little arms, to feel her soft baby skin and hold her little body that fits just so perfectly in my arms, could become so strong. But it has.

Nap time at the old Children's Home. The other kids and the furnishings were gone. Just me and baby resting on a worn carpet.

I am tempted to try to move my flight to the next departure day, on Tuesday rather than Monday, since July 4 is a holiday anyway so it won’t cost me any additional lost time at work. But I worry that will just make it all the harder to leave.

And while I can somehow take it if my heart breaks when I have to say goodbye to her in the next few days, I cannot allow us to get so close that she feels that sense of loss, too. I know kids are resilient and I know that her caregivers at the home are very good to her, but I wonder if she’ll be okay now that she’s had someone to pay undivided attention to her for several days. Will it be a shock to find that she’s now back to being just one of may babies needing love and food and diaper changes? And even on some more intangible level, will she miss me, not just as a caregiver, but as me?

I’ve felt very strong throughout this adoption process, taking the ups and downs of my experience as just part of the unique journey that will forever be a part of my family lore. But I don’t feel so strong any more. I’m ready – I’ve been ready – to have my little girl home.

Okay, I need to turn to happier thoughts or my eyes will be surely swollen tomorrow. I made a trip to my old stomping grounds from trip #1 to Kathmandu back in January, to the touristy haven of gift shops and bars called Thamel. I spent some time in the renowned Pilgrim Books store and bought a few things that I hope will help my daughter get to know her home culture as she grows up: a traditional Nepali outfit in a child’s size and a few children’s story books set in Nepal. I also shopped for and bought an embroidered blouse for my mom, striking a hard bargain at 500 rupees rather than the 800 they originally quoted me. (One dollar equals about 70 rupees.)

The economics of a place like Nepal still surprise me. For instance, today the driver who works for the director of the orphanage and who has driven me back and forth throughout my stay here told me that for one month’s work his salary is 4500 rupees. It’s amazing, especially considering that he seems to often put in 12+ hour days. A new friend, Xavier, a French business traveler I met here and had an enjoyable dinner conversation with, also told me that a shopkeeper (the manager, not the owner) had told him that his monthly salary was $55. I honestly don’t know how people make it on those amounts.

It is clear that the $70 per night rate at the Yak & Yeti is completely unaffordable to the average Nepali. It feels a bit grotesque, yet in part I see part of my role here, in this economy, as being that of the “wealthy” tourist, infusing the local economy with what I can afford to spend as a vacationer here. And if I haggle over the difference between $11 and $8, well, that’s part of my role here too: to play a game in which the other party can walk away feeling good, but not arrogant. (Even with my attempts at bargaining, I am sure I still get charged well above the “locals price.”)

I must say, I’ve enjoyed Kathmandu more this time around than I did back in January. This is probably attributable most to not being sick this time and also to having had my luggage arrive just one day late, not seven. Still, I can’t totally discount the fact that, this time, the sights and sounds of Kathmandu – which are chaotic and not particularly aesthetic for western tastes – are less of a shock. I’ve been able to start looking at more details and trying to see where it is that Kathmandu fails in offering a decent quality of life, and where it succeeds.

The main failure in my mind is the traffic (and, related to that, the pollution). I cannot imagine how anyone who is at all a nervous driver/passenger would get through the average 30 minute car trip in Kathmandu. I’m beginning to discern the code of communication that is encompassed within the cocophany of car honks. One honk is usually to let someone ahead know that you’re about to pass. If the car you’re trying to pass doesn’t want to let you do so, they may honk back twice. Other honks are just to say, “here I am” as the car drives on the wrong side of the street to avoid a cow or a dog sleeping calmly on the road.

A word too about motorbikes: they are everywhere and though drivers are apparently compelled by law to wear helmets, passengers are not, not even children. Yesterday I saw a man, with helmet, on a motorbike with a woman in back (no helmet) and what looked like perhaps a 3 month old baby in a pouch attached to her front (again, no helmet). Considering the lawless chaos that is Kathmandu traffic, I cringe to see this type of thing, but the locals seem to not bat an eye over it.

Well, you might be wondering after all this criticism where it is that Kathmandu succeeds. It’s in the people. Nepali people are, first, often stunningly beautiful or handsome. There’s some particular gene pool here, a mixture of the Indian and Tibetan, that is lovely. Then, there’s the general gentleness and kindness of people here. There is a culture gap, to be sure, and I’m sure that there’s plenty of room to improve on my interactions with Nepalis (who knows how many offenses I routinely commit), but culturally they are disposed to being sweet and accommodating, even to a fault.

And in terms of the culture gap, it seems to be narrowing, especially among the young of Nepal. I was in a CD shop in Thamel and wanted to buy a gift for Rajan, the young man who works as a translator for Children’s Home. I wanted to buy something that he probably wouldn’t have already. So, I kept bringing my tentative selections up to the counter and asking the young man working there if the CD I’d picked was popular in Nepal and thus likely to be owned already by Rajan. Among the rejected options: Norah Jones, U2, Frank Sinatra, and the Grateful Dead. Final pick (which was approved of by the shop manager both on the grounds that he’s not super well-known in Nepal, but is likely to be enjoyed by Nepalis): James Taylor’s Greatest Hits. (The CD sold for just 200 rupees, by the way, which makes me think it’s a bootleg version, though the album cover and packaging looked quite good.)

Well, it’s getting late, so I’ll call it a night. Tomorrow is another day with the baby and perhaps a chance to meet another adoptive mom here in Kathmandu who I’ve been trying to connect with the past few days.

It’s funny. As long as these emails are, I have to leave so many details out. The clothes people wear, the weather, the food, my interactions with Sita and the other girls at Children’s Home – none of these has gotten more than a passing mention in my long emails, though they all will be a part of my memories of this trip. In any event, if you’ve read this far, I do appreciate it and hope that you’ve enjoyed hearing about my experiences here.

Til later, love to all –
PA