Namaste, Out the Road Blog http://outtheroad.com/b2blog//index.php?blog=5 Out the Road visuals, photography - design en-US hourly 1 2000-01-01T12:00+00:00 Post-Oscar Morning: And the Award for Throwing, Littering, Messing, and Fussing Goes To . . . (Guess Who) http://outtheroad.com/b2blog//index.php?blog=5&title=post_oscar_morning_and_the_award_for_thr_1&more=1&c=1&tb=1&pb=1 2008-02-25T18:42:47Z patricia_arias The E (Ellie) Files Dear All, Well, it's been a frustrating morning here at the Arias household and I can in part blame myself, as I choose to stay up late watching the Oscars last night. So, this morning finds me a bit sleep-deprived and probably less patient than I might otherwise be. And patience is not just a virtue but a necessity when it comes to caring for my active, 18-month old. Let me give you a taste of what this morning has been like . . . Over the weekend I'd started bemoaning the fact that this is now my last full week of leave from work (I go back to work fulltime on March 5). In part I bemoan the return to work because I know it will make my schedule very tight on weekdays, but also I was starting to be sad about not having the time to spend with my daughter that I currently enjoy. I've worked long and hard to bring my little girl home and this last week of leave is one of the infrequent opportunities I have to spend uninterrupted time with her. So, I decided that instead of taking her to daycare today, I would keep her home to enjoy time with her, and perhaps make a visit to the Atlanta Zoo, which I've been meaning to do with her since we got home. These tender thoughts and plans have run head first into the reality of what it means to parent an 18 month old. The thing is that, a child of Ellie's age pretty much wants someone's attention at all times. That makes it pretty hard to do even the minimal things that are required in life, such as showering, dressing, eating, putting on shoes, etc. Doing each of these tasks becomes a juggling act of trying to keep the child out of trouble and entertained, while at the same time trying to do the task at hand. So, as an example, while I'm in my very small half-bathroom putting on scant make-up and combing my hair, Ellie is underfoot, ever in danger of banging her head on the edge of the pedestal sink, trying to roll the rolling cart with my face and hair products out of the bathroom, trying to push the trashcan off the lid of the toilet (which is where I've had to put it because if it's left on the ground, as most trashcans are and should be, she is immediately in there getting out every disgusting and dirty thing that you can imagine might go into a bathroom trashcan). So, while I'm getting my face on and combing my hair, I have to constantly fend off little hands or pacify a fussy child who wants to see or do everything that I'm doing (e.g., I'm combing my hair, so I have to go fetch her comb from its spot in the bigger bathroom, I'm brushing my teeth, so she starts to whine until I go get her toothbrush from the other bathroom, I'm putting on face creme, so I have to pretend to dab some on her face). In reality, I've learned to navigate these rituals pretty well these days, but sometimes it occurs to me that being a parent is not just about making the best of things with a fussy child, but also about starting to teach that child to be a civilized human being. So, for instance, the last two days I've started to take the tact with Ellie that it's just too small in my little half bathroom for her to be in there, underfoot, while I'm getting ready. She can play or stand and watch from my bedroom, literally just 2 - 3 feet away from me, and it's a much safer (for Ellie), less stressful (for Mommy) scenario. For some reason, however, this arrangement is not satisfactory from her perspective and results in a tears and a tantrum. Another thing I'm trying to do by way of teaching Ellie to be a more civilized little girl is that when she makes a mess, especially if it's clearly not by accident, I ask that she sit or stand by me and sort of help clean it up. In truth, she's not really much help to me in the cleaning or straightening process, but the point is to teach her that behaviors have consequences. If she pulls all the plastic garbage bags out of the box, then she has to pick them up and put them back in the box. (Again, I really wind up doing this for the most part, as she's not coordinated enough at her age to be very effective, but I think she gets the idea.) If she takes the cat's dry food and spills it on the kitchen floor, then she has to help pick up the food. If she takes all her plates and cups of the pantry shelf and throws them on the ground, she has to help put them away. (I should add, all three of these occurred this morning, along with various other messes that Mommy went ahead and cleaned up on her own, just for efficiency's sake.) Sometimes Ellie actually takes the high road on these consequences, seeming to be okay with the task of cleaning up and putting away. Other times, it produces tears and a tantrum. One consequence that I hope she learned well this morning is that if you eat stuff that you shouldn't it can make you sick. She came into my bathroom at some point shortly after I'd emptied the Dustbuster vacumn into the tall kitchen garbage can. Well, let me back up a bit . . . Earlier in the morning, I had made the mistake of bringing into the house a large purple ball that is normally kept on the porch. I had gone outside to take some recycling to the bins and she was starting to pitch a fit because I wouldn't let her stay on the porch, so I brought the ball inside to pacify her. Well, she sometime later she threw the ball over the gate at the entrance to my office, which is also where my cat Penny's food is kept, and for the second time that morning managed to knock over and spill all the cat food. The first time I had gotten down on my knees, and had her do likewise, to pick up the food piece by piece and put it back in the bowl. This time, however, because it had been an accident on her part and because I was the one to blame, really, for bringing the ball inside to begin with, I decided just to clean the mess up quick and easy with the Dustbuster. So, back to the story . . . following the whole cat food episode, I was in my bathroom and Ellie comes in sort of coughing and I realize that she is trying to get something out of her mouth. However, I don't see anything obvious in her mouth, so I don't know how to help her. She's not choking, but rather just seems to be irritated by something she has apparently tried to swallow. She continues coughing and eventually, yep, throws up on her clothes and one of her shoes and the bathroom floor. My suspicious is that she saw me dump the Dustbuster in the kitchen garbage can, got curious as to what I'd just done, and opened the garbage can lid and put her hand in there. I've seen her do precisely this many times and I always say, blech, dirty, stay out of the trash can. But, as toddler's tend to do, she insists on defying me on this. In fact, except for my own bathroom trash can, which again I've had to raise off the ground to keep it (more or less) out of her reach, I've had to stop using or perpetually keep emptying my small trash cans around the house because she loves to muck around in them. Unfortunately, the kitchen garbage can does not lend itself to this and it's actually quite large and so she usually can't get into too much trouble with the trash that's in there, unless the bag is starting to get full so that she can reach the stuff on top . . . which is what I think happened today . . . which is why, on top of all the other clean ups of the morning, I then had to clean throw-up off the bathroom floor, had to change her clothes and shoes, and had to put yet another wash cloth and my bathroom hand towel in the dirty laundry hamper. At a very nice shower this weekend, that was thrown for Ellie and me by Andy's boss and his wife, I was mentioning to a stay-at-home mom of two young boys that, after taking care of Ellie these past several weeks, I have a new-found respect for stay-at-home moms. In my view, going to work in an office environment each day is much easier than taking care of a child Ellie's age, while at the same time trying to do even the minimal things that one does while at home (bathing, eating, minor tidying up, laundry). In their more candid moments, most moms I've talked to about parenting toddlers all confess that it is a wearying job. Yes, they are cute, and, yes, they are dearly loved -- I have gotten into the habit of going into my daughter's room each night when she's asleep, just to look at her and bask in my love for her -- and , yes, most people go into parenting knowing that it entails sacrifices of sleep, privacy, leisure time, and money. But even so, there are times when the job of parenting a toddler requires a couple of extra cups of coffee, a few extra deep breaths, and a bit of venting, just to get ready for whatever post-nap-time brings! Love, PA Dear All,

Well, it's been a frustrating morning here at the Arias household and I can in part blame myself, as I choose to stay up late watching the Oscars last night. So, this morning finds me a bit sleep-deprived and probably less patient than I might otherwise be. And patience is not just a virtue but a necessity when it comes to caring for my active, 18-month old. Let me give you a taste of what this morning has been like . . .

Over the weekend I'd started bemoaning the fact that this is now my last full week of leave from work (I go back to work fulltime on March 5). In part I bemoan the return to work because I know it will make my schedule very tight on weekdays, but also I was starting to be sad about not having the time to spend with my daughter that I currently enjoy. I've worked long and hard to bring my little girl home and this last week of leave is one of the infrequent opportunities I have to spend uninterrupted time with her. So, I decided that instead of taking her to daycare today, I would keep her home to enjoy time with her, and perhaps make a visit to the Atlanta Zoo, which I've been meaning to do with her since we got home.

These tender thoughts and plans have run head first into the reality of what it means to parent an 18 month old. The thing is that, a child of Ellie's age pretty much wants someone's attention at all times. That makes it pretty hard to do even the minimal things that are required in life, such as showering, dressing, eating, putting on shoes, etc. Doing each of these tasks becomes a juggling act of trying to keep the child out of trouble and entertained, while at the same time trying to do the task at hand. So, as an example, while I'm in my very small half-bathroom putting on scant make-up and combing my hair, Ellie is underfoot, ever in danger of banging her head on the edge of the pedestal sink, trying to roll the rolling cart with my face and hair products out of the bathroom, trying to push the trashcan off the lid of the toilet (which is where I've had to put it because if it's left on the ground, as most trashcans are and should be, she is immediately in there getting out every disgusting and dirty thing that you can imagine might go into a bathroom trashcan). So, while I'm getting my face on and combing my hair, I have to constantly fend off little hands or pacify a fussy child who wants to see or do everything that I'm doing (e.g., I'm combing my hair, so I have to go fetch her comb from its spot in the bigger bathroom, I'm brushing my teeth, so she starts to whine until I go get her toothbrush from the other bathroom, I'm putting on face creme, so I have to pretend to dab some on her face).

In reality, I've learned to navigate these rituals pretty well these days, but sometimes it occurs to me that being a parent is not just about making the best of things with a fussy child, but also about starting to teach that child to be a civilized human being. So, for instance, the last two days I've started to take the tact with Ellie that it's just too small in my little half bathroom for her to be in there, underfoot, while I'm getting ready. She can play or stand and watch from my bedroom, literally just 2 - 3 feet away from me, and it's a much safer (for Ellie), less stressful (for Mommy) scenario. For some reason, however, this arrangement is not satisfactory from her perspective and results in a tears and a tantrum.

Another thing I'm trying to do by way of teaching Ellie to be a more civilized little girl is that when she makes a mess, especially if it's clearly not by accident, I ask that she sit or stand by me and sort of help clean it up. In truth, she's not really much help to me in the cleaning or straightening process, but the point is to teach her that behaviors have consequences. If she pulls all the plastic garbage bags out of the box, then she has to pick them up and put them back in the box. (Again, I really wind up doing this for the most part, as she's not coordinated enough at her age to be very effective, but I think she gets the idea.) If she takes the cat's dry food and spills it on the kitchen floor, then she has to help pick up the food. If she takes all her plates and cups of the pantry shelf and throws them on the ground, she has to help put them away. (I should add, all three of these occurred this morning, along with various other messes that Mommy went ahead and cleaned up on her own, just for efficiency's sake.) Sometimes Ellie actually takes the high road on these consequences, seeming to be okay with the task of cleaning up and putting away. Other times, it produces tears and a tantrum.

One consequence that I hope she learned well this morning is that if you eat stuff that you shouldn't it can make you sick. She came into my bathroom at some point shortly after I'd emptied the Dustbuster vacumn into the tall kitchen garbage can. Well, let me back up a bit . . . Earlier in the morning, I had made the mistake of bringing into the house a large purple ball that is normally kept on the porch. I had gone outside to take some recycling to the bins and she was starting to pitch a fit because I wouldn't let her stay on the porch, so I brought the ball inside to pacify her. Well, she sometime later she threw the ball over the gate at the entrance to my office, which is also where my cat Penny's food is kept, and for the second time that morning managed to knock over and spill all the cat food. The first time I had gotten down on my knees, and had her do likewise, to pick up the food piece by piece and put it back in the bowl. This time, however, because it had been an accident on her part and because I was the one to blame, really, for bringing the ball inside to begin with, I decided just to clean the mess up quick and easy with the Dustbuster. So, back to the story . . . following the whole cat food episode, I was in my bathroom and Ellie comes in sort of coughing and I realize that she is trying to get something out of her mouth. However, I don't see anything obvious in her mouth, so I don't know how to help her. She's not choking, but rather just seems to be irritated by something she has apparently tried to swallow. She continues coughing and eventually, yep, throws up on her clothes and one of her shoes and the bathroom floor. My suspicious is that she saw me dump the Dustbuster in the kitchen garbage can, got curious as to what I'd just done, and opened the garbage can lid and put her hand in there. I've seen her do precisely this many times and I always say, blech, dirty, stay out of the trash can. But, as toddler's tend to do, she insists on defying me on this. In fact, except for my own bathroom trash can, which again I've had to raise off the ground to keep it (more or less) out of her reach, I've had to stop using or perpetually keep emptying my small trash cans around the house because she loves to muck around in them. Unfortunately, the kitchen garbage can does not lend itself to this and it's actually quite large and so she usually can't get into too much trouble with the trash that's in there, unless the bag is starting to get full so that she can reach the stuff on top . . . which is what I think happened today . . . which is why, on top of all the other clean ups of the morning, I then had to clean throw-up off the bathroom floor, had to change her clothes and shoes, and had to put yet another wash cloth and my bathroom hand towel in the dirty laundry hamper.

At a very nice shower this weekend, that was thrown for Ellie and me by Andy's boss and his wife, I was mentioning to a stay-at-home mom of two young boys that, after taking care of Ellie these past several weeks, I have a new-found respect for stay-at-home moms. In my view, going to work in an office environment each day is much easier than taking care of a child Ellie's age, while at the same time trying to do even the minimal things that one does while at home (bathing, eating, minor tidying up, laundry). In their more candid moments, most moms I've talked to about parenting toddlers all confess that it is a wearying job. Yes, they are cute, and, yes, they are dearly loved -- I have gotten into the habit of going into my daughter's room each night when she's asleep, just to look at her and bask in my love for her -- and , yes, most people go into parenting knowing that it entails sacrifices of sleep, privacy, leisure time, and money. But even so, there are times when the job of parenting a toddler requires a couple of extra cups of coffee, a few extra deep breaths, and a bit of venting, just to get ready for whatever post-nap-time brings!

Love,
PA

]]> Brag Book and Misc. http://outtheroad.com/b2blog//index.php?blog=5&title=brag_book_and_misc_4&more=1&c=1&tb=1&pb=1 2008-02-23T02:18:44Z patricia_arias The E (Ellie) Files I've been wanting to make a written record of some of the funny, cute, or non-cute things that Ellie's doing at this age (just turned 18 months about 10 days ago), so here goes: 1. She has recently (in the past week or so) learned to jump off the little bathroom stool I bought for her. (It's actually of no use to her in the bathroom yet, as she still can't reach the sink even when she's standing on the stool.) She loves to grab the little lime green and yellow stool out of the bathroom and bring it into the kitchen when I'm in there getting dinner ready or doing some dishes. She sometimes asks to hold my hand to get up on the stool, or if I put it next to the small table that's in the kitchen, she can get on the stool easily by placing one hand on the table to balance herself. She repeatedly jumps off the stool and I cheer, "Hooray!" A new addition to this activity is that, just this week she has started to accompany each jump by saying, "Ready, Set, Go!", except that instead of Ready she actually says "Beddy" and she tends to skip the Set, and then we both say "Ohhhh!" as she jumps the 6 inches or so off the stool. I have to say, my Ellie is really coordinated and athletic for her age, and she is so passionate about ever expanding and testing her physical skills. I think I have a gymnast in the making! 2. Apart from Ready, Set, Go, she is saying a few English words now. I have to say, I'm proud of her for choosing a few initial words that are particularly relevant to her: diaper (which sounds like "bye-pah") and bottle (which sounds pretty much like bottle, though sometimes it comes out also sounding like "bah-pah"). She is also now saying "bye bye" and it sounds like "bah bah". I was almost teary tonight when for the first time, when I was putting her down to sleep and about to leave the room, she said "bah bah" to me instead of her never-failing "tah tah" that she brought with her from Nepal. She repeated the "bah bah" a few times and then just as I was closing the door I heard her revert back to "tah tah". I was so happy to hear it! I love her little "tah tah" and hope she doesn't lose it, as it will always remind me of the start of our relationship and my visits to CH. 3. She had her first big girl haircut today at a nearby salon called Little Scissors that specializes in cutting kids hair. A few reviews I read online said that they work quickly so they can get through a hair cut even with a screaming, fussy child. Well, Ellie didn't fuss one bit! She sat in my lap let the stylist give her a very cute hair cut, chin length with a shallow taper in the back. It looks very cute, I must say, and hopefully will just fall into place each morning with a bit of combing. We have a few showers/welcome party's for Ellie in the next couple of weekends, so I'm glad my girl will look her best! 4. My friends Peg and Phil brought over their hand-me-down booster seat on Monday and I think it came just in the nick of time, as Little Missy is showing signs of wanting to sit at the dining room table like a big girl. She sat in the booster this evening, after dinner, to eat some Specially for Friday Ice-Cream. (She's funny when she eats ice-cream, scrunching her face up in what appears to be pain or distaste initially, but then wanting more. I think it's the cold that she objects to, but she likes the taste.) 5. I've mentioned in other posts how active she is. The truth is, she does not slow down. Not for a minute. I think when we sit together to read books before she goes to sleep is about the only time she voluntarily sits still. (Dinner time, too, though I hesitate to describe her mealtime conduct as sitting "still" -- she swishes her food with the spoon, making a mess, bangs her spoon loudly on the tray, throws the spoon and occasionally food onto the table, and generally makes as much of a mess as I'll let her get away with, along with eating a few bites.) I was observing her activity level tonight as she drank her evening bottle. It was the same as ever, but I just was taking more note of it tonight. She literally does not stop moving, even when she finds her little rocker to sit for a second, she's squirming and trying to find the right position, and then immediately back up. In the length of time it takes to consume an 8 oz. bottle, she gets on and off the loveseat one or more time, gets on and off the sofa one or more times (both with my help), takes all the coasters in my little basket on the coffee table and dumps them on the ground, takes the stacking rings and puts them on her arm, then throws them into the next room, gets into and out of her rocking chair one or more times, etc., etc., etc. I see now why she sleeps so well -- she must be exhausted! (Smile) 6. She can be a rude girl at times and I'm having to really strategize on how to teach her better manners. One thing that I let her get away with because she's still pretty little is that she doesn't often ask nicely for things, but rather demands them. Where I do try to draw the line is when she uses tantrums as a means to really demand something. The last couple of nights she's been very prone to this, which has been challenging. Another rude behavior is that she sticks her tongue between her lips and blows (some people call this "making a raspberry"). She doesn't do it just as an experiment or to be funny. She does it when she's pissed off about something. It's hard not to laugh sometimes, but I try not to, as I think that will just encourage the behavior. Also, she's just in the past week or so started getting the brilliant idea to wiggle all around and try to turn over and kneel or even stand when I'm changing her diaper on the changing table. Often she pulls this when she has a poopy diaper and is likely to make a big ol' mess with all that squirming and movement. It's tough to know how to squelch this behavior, as she tends to find it funny and laugh when I try to restrain her movement. She thinks it's a game. And tonight for the first time she did something that made me very mad, which is that she gave my face a bit of a slap as I was trying to change her diaper. It's tough to know how to invoke discipline in that very moment, especially as I was changing a messy diaper. I did end up putting her in two time-outs tonight because she was throwing tantrums every time she wanted something. So, yes, it's true: she's not all goodness and light. But when she's behaving badly I try to remember that this time in her development is a challenging one and that, hopefully, that her strong temperament will serve her well in the long run. 7. Back to another cute things she does: she says hi to everyone and often to inanimate objects if they look like people or animals. I have a wooden statute of St. Francis in the living room and she often says hi to him. Also, in the cupboard where I keep the nipples and other stuff that go with her bottles, there are some mugs and one of them has a face like Elmer Fudd, so everytime I open that cupboard to prepare her a bottle, she shouts "Hi!" She also says "Hi" to my cat Penny repeatedly and would love to touch her and become friends, but Penny is still pretty insistent on running away from Ellie. In fact, our across the street neighbor cat, Little Dude, who is as easy going and friendly a cat as you can imagine, also runs away from Ellie's enthusiastic "Hi's!" I think these smart kitties must know that a small human could mean trouble. 8. Ellie loves to go outside. In the front yard, she enjoys walking up and down the steps that lead to the front door. She also is very taken with the little boys who live next door and who have befriended Ellie from her first day home. Even when they aren't anywhere is sight, Ellie will sometimes insist on walking down to their yard and sometimes she seems to want to walk in their house! Just making herself at home! (Smile) These neighbors also have a nice swing set with a baby swing and so sometimes we go over there and Ellie swings for a while. She also enjoys our own backyard, or, more accurately, our back porch and deck. I have a selection of outdoor toys for her to play with (balls, bubbles, etc.), but, true to form, her usual favorite activity is to climb onto one of the benches that sit on the deck and then, with Mommy's help, jump down onto the deck. It seems that she can do this over and over for many minutes at a stretch without tiring. 9. She now loves her bath and is very excited when I pull back the shower curtain and get out her infant tub. Even with her clothes on, she puts one leg on top of the edge of the tub as if to try to hop on in (good thing she's still too short to achieve her aim). I have a number of bath toys for her and she does use them, but, again, it's the ordinary things that seems to hold the most appeal: the wash clothes, the bottle of Aveeno liquid soap for babies, and the water itself. She loves to splash mightily and gets pretty good distance on the spread of water. I usually get a semi-shower from my vantage point at the edge of the tub and I have got to get better about remembering to move the spare rolls of TP to the far end of the bathroom. Well, I was going to go for 10 items in my post, but it's bedtime for Mommy! I hope one day that looking back on these writings will remind me of my cute, funny, energetic 18-month old daughter. I know even now that it will seem all too soon that she loses the last traces of babyhood. So I am relishing my baby girl while I can! Love, PA I've been wanting to make a written record of some of the funny, cute, or non-cute things that Ellie's doing at this age (just turned 18 months about 10 days ago), so here goes:

1. She has recently (in the past week or so) learned to jump off the little bathroom stool I bought for her. (It's actually of no use to her in the bathroom yet, as she still can't reach the sink even when she's standing on the stool.) She loves to grab the little lime green and yellow stool out of the bathroom and bring it into the kitchen when I'm in there getting dinner ready or doing some dishes. She sometimes asks to hold my hand to get up on the stool, or if I put it next to the small table that's in the kitchen, she can get on the stool easily by placing one hand on the table to balance herself. She repeatedly jumps off the stool and I cheer, "Hooray!" A new addition to this activity is that, just this week she has started to accompany each jump by saying, "Ready, Set, Go!", except that instead of Ready she actually says "Beddy" and she tends to skip the Set, and then we both say "Ohhhh!" as she jumps the 6 inches or so off the stool. I have to say, my Ellie is really coordinated and athletic for her age, and she is so passionate about ever expanding and testing her physical skills. I think I have a gymnast in the making!

2. Apart from Ready, Set, Go, she is saying a few English words now. I have to say, I'm proud of her for choosing a few initial words that are particularly relevant to her: diaper (which sounds like "bye-pah") and bottle (which sounds pretty much like bottle, though sometimes it comes out also sounding like "bah-pah"). She is also now saying "bye bye" and it sounds like "bah bah". I was almost teary tonight when for the first time, when I was putting her down to sleep and about to leave the room, she said "bah bah" to me instead of her never-failing "tah tah" that she brought with her from Nepal. She repeated the "bah bah" a few times and then just as I was closing the door I heard her revert back to "tah tah". I was so happy to hear it! I love her little "tah tah" and hope she doesn't lose it, as it will always remind me of the start of our relationship and my visits to CH.

3. She had her first big girl haircut today at a nearby salon called Little Scissors that specializes in cutting kids hair. A few reviews I read online said that they work quickly so they can get through a hair cut even with a screaming, fussy child. Well, Ellie didn't fuss one bit! She sat in my lap let the stylist give her a very cute hair cut, chin length with a shallow taper in the back. It looks very cute, I must say, and hopefully will just fall into place each morning with a bit of combing. We have a few showers/welcome party's for Ellie in the next couple of weekends, so I'm glad my girl will look her best!

4. My friends Peg and Phil brought over their hand-me-down booster seat on Monday and I think it came just in the nick of time, as Little Missy is showing signs of wanting to sit at the dining room table like a big girl. She sat in the booster this evening, after dinner, to eat some Specially for Friday Ice-Cream. (She's funny when she eats ice-cream, scrunching her face up in what appears to be pain or distaste initially, but then wanting more. I think it's the cold that she objects to, but she likes the taste.)

5. I've mentioned in other posts how active she is. The truth is, she does not slow down. Not for a minute. I think when we sit together to read books before she goes to sleep is about the only time she voluntarily sits still. (Dinner time, too, though I hesitate to describe her mealtime conduct as sitting "still" -- she swishes her food with the spoon, making a mess, bangs her spoon loudly on the tray, throws the spoon and occasionally food onto the table, and generally makes as much of a mess as I'll let her get away with, along with eating a few bites.) I was observing her activity level tonight as she drank her evening bottle. It was the same as ever, but I just was taking more note of it tonight. She literally does not stop moving, even when she finds her little rocker to sit for a second, she's squirming and trying to find the right position, and then immediately back up. In the length of time it takes to consume an 8 oz. bottle, she gets on and off the loveseat one or more time, gets on and off the sofa one or more times (both with my help), takes all the coasters in my little basket on the coffee table and dumps them on the ground, takes the stacking rings and puts them on her arm, then throws them into the next room, gets into and out of her rocking chair one or more times, etc., etc., etc. I see now why she sleeps so well -- she must be exhausted! (Smile)

6. She can be a rude girl at times and I'm having to really strategize on how to teach her better manners. One thing that I let her get away with because she's still pretty little is that she doesn't often ask nicely for things, but rather demands them. Where I do try to draw the line is when she uses tantrums as a means to really demand something. The last couple of nights she's been very prone to this, which has been challenging. Another rude behavior is that she sticks her tongue between her lips and blows (some people call this "making a raspberry"). She doesn't do it just as an experiment or to be funny. She does it when she's pissed off about something. It's hard not to laugh sometimes, but I try not to, as I think that will just encourage the behavior. Also, she's just in the past week or so started getting the brilliant idea to wiggle all around and try to turn over and kneel or even stand when I'm changing her diaper on the changing table. Often she pulls this when she has a poopy diaper and is likely to make a big ol' mess with all that squirming and movement. It's tough to know how to squelch this behavior, as she tends to find it funny and laugh when I try to restrain her movement. She thinks it's a game. And tonight for the first time she did something that made me very mad, which is that she gave my face a bit of a slap as I was trying to change her diaper. It's tough to know how to invoke discipline in that very moment, especially as I was changing a messy diaper. I did end up putting her in two time-outs tonight because she was throwing tantrums every time she wanted something. So, yes, it's true: she's not all goodness and light. But when she's behaving badly I try to remember that this time in her development is a challenging one and that, hopefully, that her strong temperament will serve her well in the long run.

7. Back to another cute things she does: she says hi to everyone and often to inanimate objects if they look like people or animals. I have a wooden statute of St. Francis in the living room and she often says hi to him. Also, in the cupboard where I keep the nipples and other stuff that go with her bottles, there are some mugs and one of them has a face like Elmer Fudd, so everytime I open that cupboard to prepare her a bottle, she shouts "Hi!" She also says "Hi" to my cat Penny repeatedly and would love to touch her and become friends, but Penny is still pretty insistent on running away from Ellie. In fact, our across the street neighbor cat, Little Dude, who is as easy going and friendly a cat as you can imagine, also runs away from Ellie's enthusiastic "Hi's!" I think these smart kitties must know that a small human could mean trouble.

8. Ellie loves to go outside. In the front yard, she enjoys walking up and down the steps that lead to the front door. She also is very taken with the little boys who live next door and who have befriended Ellie from her first day home. Even when they aren't anywhere is sight, Ellie will sometimes insist on walking down to their yard and sometimes she seems to want to walk in their house! Just making herself at home! (Smile) These neighbors also have a nice swing set with a baby swing and so sometimes we go over there and Ellie swings for a while. She also enjoys our own backyard, or, more accurately, our back porch and deck. I have a selection of outdoor toys for her to play with (balls, bubbles, etc.), but, true to form, her usual favorite activity is to climb onto one of the benches that sit on the deck and then, with Mommy's help, jump down onto the deck. It seems that she can do this over and over for many minutes at a stretch without tiring.

9. She now loves her bath and is very excited when I pull back the shower curtain and get out her infant tub. Even with her clothes on, she puts one leg on top of the edge of the tub as if to try to hop on in (good thing she's still too short to achieve her aim). I have a number of bath toys for her and she does use them, but, again, it's the ordinary things that seems to hold the most appeal: the wash clothes, the bottle of Aveeno liquid soap for babies, and the water itself. She loves to splash mightily and gets pretty good distance on the spread of water. I usually get a semi-shower from my vantage point at the edge of the tub and I have got to get better about remembering to move the spare rolls of TP to the far end of the bathroom.

Well, I was going to go for 10 items in my post, but it's bedtime for Mommy! I hope one day that looking back on these writings will remind me of my cute, funny, energetic 18-month old daughter. I know even now that it will seem all too soon that she loses the last traces of babyhood. So I am relishing my baby girl while I can!

Love,
PA

]]> Countdown To March 5 and Reflections on My Paper Pregnancy, Labor and Delivery http://outtheroad.com/b2blog//index.php?blog=5&title=countdown_to_march_5_and_reflections_on__2&more=1&c=1&tb=1&pb=1 2008-02-21T14:24:33Z patricia_arias The E (Ellie) Files Dear All, Hope this find everyone out there well and happy! I realized yesterday evening that I now have less than two weeks left before I return to work fulltime and Ellie starts daycare fulltime. My total time on leave will be 8 weeks when it's all said and done, and at least the first six weeks of it seem to have gone by fast! While I've done everything I can to make sure our transition back to "reality" is reasonably smooth, I still expect it to be a challenging time, as I get familiar with how the added stress and time-demands of doing my job, and of commuting to and from the office, affect my routine and relationship with Ellie. I work from home two days per week, so that helps. On those days, Ellie will still be at daycare, but I'll be spared the 30+ minute commute to and from my office, which will give her and me a bit more breathing room in our schedule. On the days that I work at the office, our schedule will be pretty tight. The last two days, I've left Ellie at daycare until about 5 PM, to approximate how our evening schedule will be when I go back to work. (I plan to work 7:30 AM to 4:30 PM and hope that will allow me to pick her up at daycare at about 5 PM most nights, as long as the traffic's not a problem.) The first day of picking her up at 5 PM showed me that this schedule really compresses our evenings. Even if we don't hit bad traffic, we usually won't be walking in the door of our house until about 5:15 PM. Ideally I will be sitting her down for dinner at 5:30 PM, so most of my cooking is going to have to be done in advance, with dinner being just a "heat and serve it" affair. Ellie's eating dinner and the post-eating clean-up usually take about 30 minutes and that just leaves us one hour until it's time for her to go to bed. On the first day that I picked her up at 5 PM, it was also Ellie's bath day, which really crunched our time in the evening. Immediately after dinner, I got her bath ready and immediately after her bath I gave her a bottle (I still give her a 50% milk/50% formula bottle first thing in the morning and about 30 minutes before bedtime). By hustling through these tasks, I was able to get Ellie in her crib with lights out by 7:05 PM, just 5 minutes later than usual. So, it's doable. It just requires that I have a pretty constant awareness of what time it is and do my best to keep us on task. I do wonder how this tight weekday schedule will affect Ellie in the long run. Will she start balking at the regimen of getting up, hustling off to daycare after just 20-25 minutes at home, and then having just a couple of hours at home in the evenings? This morning, for the first time, Ellie threw a bit of a tantrum when it was time for me to say bye-bye at the daycare. Although she's been a tiny bit weepy at times in the past, this was a more escalated reaction to my leaving. The owner of the daycare, Miss Vivian, is there in the early mornings on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, and she took Ellie and started playing with her. When I walked out, Ellie was still crying, but 10 seconds later when I peeked in the front window she was sitting in Miss Vivian's lap and seemed to have stopped crying. (Thank goodness! It would have been tough to drive away if she was still so upset.) It's interesting to me that it was after spending her two longest days at the daycare (I've picked her up at 5 PM the last two days) that she had this stronger reaction to my leaving her. It could have been coincidental. In general, thus far she seem to be happy at daycare. Her teachers and the daycare manager report that she is eating well there, is taking daily naps of about 2 hours, and is enjoying her time there. When I pick her up in the afternoons, she always seems fine and happy. Of course, she also is always very happy to see Mommy. She always greets me with a very excited smile and demands to be held. She knows it's time to go home, so she starts saying "tah tah" to everyone and leans in to give her teacher, Miss Nisha, a kiss on the cheek. (Also, even when she was at CH, I learned to take with a grain of salt the "all's well" assessments of Ellie's caregivers. Especially in the case of a daycare, which stands to lose business if a child does not do well there, it's not in their financial interest to disclose to parents every little thing that may not be perfect.) So, I'll continue monitoring the situation to see how she's doing with fulltime daycare, especially once I go back to work. I have the option, at some point in the future, of getting an at-home baby-sitter to take care of her during the days that I work from home. In order to make this work, I would need to move my office to the basement and effectively leave Ellie and the baby-sitter alone on the main floor of the house, otherwise I doubt I'll get much work done. I haven't gone this route yet because it would be substantially more expensive. The daycare does not offer part-time rates, so I'd still be paying the 5-day per week rate there, plus adding 2 days of baby-sitting at $10 or more per hour. Also, I think the daycare is probably a more stimulating environment for her, with exposure to more people and activities than she would have at home with a baby-sitter. For instance, she has already become a favorite with the pre-teen daughters of one of the teachers there (she's the teacher in the room adjacent to the toddler room). These girls apparently visit the daycare some days after they get out of school and they have already become good friends with my Little Cutie. (It reminds me of the way the older girls at Children's Home used to love playing with Ellie, putting her hair in pig-tails, or putting nail polish on her.) Well, on another topic, I've been thinking back this morning to my days with Ellie at the Summit Hotel in Nepal and our long trip back home to Atlanta. If we consider that I had an almost 2-year long "paper pregnancy" of working to complete this adoption, then maybe it's apt to consider the 3 weeks at the Summit as comparable to being in labor, and the 35+ hour trip home as comparable to the actual delivery of my child. What triggered this line of thinking for me was the fact that this morning Ellie woke up a bit early and so I was under time pressure during my morning shower, because I was sure she would start howling soon for me to let her out of the crib. This experience took me back in my mind to the days at the Summit when I was lucky if I could take a shower of even a couple of minutes in length. Usually Ellie would be standing outside the shower stall, watching me. (I learned to ignore the fact that water was splattering everywhere.) After a while, she started getting more curious about the water and some days seemed tempted to walk into the shower with me (despite her being fully clothed). So, I had to shower quickly to avoid flooding the bathroom, as well as to keep my young toddler from dangerously walking into the shower stall (which had a tiled ledge with hard, sharp corners) and possibly slipping. Also, as I was trying to get her to enjoy her baths back in those days, there were, too, some mornings when I would try to get her to go into the shower with me, taking her clothes off, only to find her dead-set against having to give up her diaper. Or, there were also times I managed to get her clothes and diaper off, only to have her stand just outside the shower stall, refusing to come, or be placed, into the shower itself. And there was the time she pooped on the bath-mat on the floor of the bathroom, while refusing to come into the shower. Boy, it tires me just to think back to those trying days of having almost every aspect of caring for my child be a challenge and a struggle. I have already written a fair amount on the challenges of getting through meals with Ellie during our stay at the Summit. However, I don't think I mentioned in previous posts that I returned to Atlanta to find that I had lost 8 lbs. in the 3 weeks of being in Nepal, testament to many missed or half-eaten meals there. Yes, I think the word "labor" suits this period well. And then there's the long trip back home . . . the "delivery," with it's full share of exhaustion, of illness, and of stress. Again, it tires me even now to think back on the experience of being constantly vigilant of Ellie's whereabouts and safety, of whether we had a bottle accessible during take-offs and landings, of keeping track of passports, tickets, boarding passes, and of numerous, heavy carry-on items, all over the course of being in 4 airports over almost 2 full days. Andy in particular had a couple of scares in which he forgot where he had placed his passport or his ticket. You know those terrible moments of realizing that something important -- your keys, your wallet, whatever -- is not where you thought it would be. You go a bit white in the face and break out in a sweat, you pat your pockets, check all the places where the missing, crucial item might be. When it's finally located, your mind and body breath a huge sigh of relief. Well, imagine all that, with essentially no sleep, over the course of two days of stressful international travel with a young child. Poor Andy! He actually handled the rest of the trip and our time at the Summit with his usual good humor and patience, but in these couple of instances of having something go missing, I saw even the ever-calm Andy get stressed out. Thankfully, my paper pregnancy, labor, and delivery all ended with our happy arrival to our house in Decatur, to be greeted by gifts and a Welcome Home banner on the front porch. Yes, the arrival of my 18-month old baby was in every measure a joyous occasion! And that joy, and the demands of stepping into this new role of being a parent, have quickly overshadowed the trials and tribulations of getting my child home. But what an adventure it was and continues to be! Lots of love, PA Dear All,

Hope this find everyone out there well and happy!

I realized yesterday evening that I now have less than two weeks left before I return to work fulltime and Ellie starts daycare fulltime. My total time on leave will be 8 weeks when it's all said and done, and at least the first six weeks of it seem to have gone by fast!

While I've done everything I can to make sure our transition back to "reality" is reasonably smooth, I still expect it to be a challenging time, as I get familiar with how the added stress and time-demands of doing my job, and of commuting to and from the office, affect my routine and relationship with Ellie. I work from home two days per week, so that helps. On those days, Ellie will still be at daycare, but I'll be spared the 30+ minute commute to and from my office, which will give her and me a bit more breathing room in our schedule.

On the days that I work at the office, our schedule will be pretty tight. The last two days, I've left Ellie at daycare until about 5 PM, to approximate how our evening schedule will be when I go back to work. (I plan to work 7:30 AM to 4:30 PM and hope that will allow me to pick her up at daycare at about 5 PM most nights, as long as the traffic's not a problem.) The first day of picking her up at 5 PM showed me that this schedule really compresses our evenings. Even if we don't hit bad traffic, we usually won't be walking in the door of our house until about 5:15 PM. Ideally I will be sitting her down for dinner at 5:30 PM, so most of my cooking is going to have to be done in advance, with dinner being just a "heat and serve it" affair. Ellie's eating dinner and the post-eating clean-up usually take about 30 minutes and that just leaves us one hour until it's time for her to go to bed.

On the first day that I picked her up at 5 PM, it was also Ellie's bath day, which really crunched our time in the evening. Immediately after dinner, I got her bath ready and immediately after her bath I gave her a bottle (I still give her a 50% milk/50% formula bottle first thing in the morning and about 30 minutes before bedtime). By hustling through these tasks, I was able to get Ellie in her crib with lights out by 7:05 PM, just 5 minutes later than usual. So, it's doable. It just requires that I have a pretty constant awareness of what time it is and do my best to keep us on task.

I do wonder how this tight weekday schedule will affect Ellie in the long run. Will she start balking at the regimen of getting up, hustling off to daycare after just 20-25 minutes at home, and then having just a couple of hours at home in the evenings? This morning, for the first time, Ellie threw a bit of a tantrum when it was time for me to say bye-bye at the daycare. Although she's been a tiny bit weepy at times in the past, this was a more escalated reaction to my leaving. The owner of the daycare, Miss Vivian, is there in the early mornings on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, and she took Ellie and started playing with her. When I walked out, Ellie was still crying, but 10 seconds later when I peeked in the front window she was sitting in Miss Vivian's lap and seemed to have stopped crying. (Thank goodness! It would have been tough to drive away if she was still so upset.)

It's interesting to me that it was after spending her two longest days at the daycare (I've picked her up at 5 PM the last two days) that she had this stronger reaction to my leaving her. It could have been coincidental. In general, thus far she seem to be happy at daycare. Her teachers and the daycare manager report that she is eating well there, is taking daily naps of about 2 hours, and is enjoying her time there. When I pick her up in the afternoons, she always seems fine and happy. Of course, she also is always very happy to see Mommy. She always greets me with a very excited smile and demands to be held. She knows it's time to go home, so she starts saying "tah tah" to everyone and leans in to give her teacher, Miss Nisha, a kiss on the cheek. (Also, even when she was at CH, I learned to take with a grain of salt the "all's well" assessments of Ellie's caregivers. Especially in the case of a daycare, which stands to lose business if a child does not do well there, it's not in their financial interest to disclose to parents every little thing that may not be perfect.)

So, I'll continue monitoring the situation to see how she's doing with fulltime daycare, especially once I go back to work. I have the option, at some point in the future, of getting an at-home baby-sitter to take care of her during the days that I work from home. In order to make this work, I would need to move my office to the basement and effectively leave Ellie and the baby-sitter alone on the main floor of the house, otherwise I doubt I'll get much work done. I haven't gone this route yet because it would be substantially more expensive. The daycare does not offer part-time rates, so I'd still be paying the 5-day per week rate there, plus adding 2 days of baby-sitting at $10 or more per hour.

Also, I think the daycare is probably a more stimulating environment for her, with exposure to more people and activities than she would have at home with a baby-sitter. For instance, she has already become a favorite with the pre-teen daughters of one of the teachers there (she's the teacher in the room adjacent to the toddler room). These girls apparently visit the daycare some days after they get out of school and they have already become good friends with my Little Cutie. (It reminds me of the way the older girls at Children's Home used to love playing with Ellie, putting her hair in pig-tails, or putting nail polish on her.)

Well, on another topic, I've been thinking back this morning to my days with Ellie at the Summit Hotel in Nepal and our long trip back home to Atlanta. If we consider that I had an almost 2-year long "paper pregnancy" of working to complete this adoption, then maybe it's apt to consider the 3 weeks at the Summit as comparable to being in labor, and the 35+ hour trip home as comparable to the actual delivery of my child.

What triggered this line of thinking for me was the fact that this morning Ellie woke up a bit early and so I was under time pressure during my morning shower, because I was sure she would start howling soon for me to let her out of the crib. This experience took me back in my mind to the days at the Summit when I was lucky if I could take a shower of even a couple of minutes in length. Usually Ellie would be standing outside the shower stall, watching me. (I learned to ignore the fact that water was splattering everywhere.) After a while, she started getting more curious about the water and some days seemed tempted to walk into the shower with me (despite her being fully clothed). So, I had to shower quickly to avoid flooding the bathroom, as well as to keep my young toddler from dangerously walking into the shower stall (which had a tiled ledge with hard, sharp corners) and possibly slipping. Also, as I was trying to get her to enjoy her baths back in those days, there were, too, some mornings when I would try to get her to go into the shower with me, taking her clothes off, only to find her dead-set against having to give up her diaper. Or, there were also times I managed to get her clothes and diaper off, only to have her stand just outside the shower stall, refusing to come, or be placed, into the shower itself. And there was the time she pooped on the bath-mat on the floor of the bathroom, while refusing to come into the shower.

Boy, it tires me just to think back to those trying days of having almost every aspect of caring for my child be a challenge and a struggle. I have already written a fair amount on the challenges of getting through meals with Ellie during our stay at the Summit. However, I don't think I mentioned in previous posts that I returned to Atlanta to find that I had lost 8 lbs. in the 3 weeks of being in Nepal, testament to many missed or half-eaten meals there. Yes, I think the word "labor" suits this period well.

And then there's the long trip back home . . . the "delivery," with it's full share of exhaustion, of illness, and of stress. Again, it tires me even now to think back on the experience of being constantly vigilant of Ellie's whereabouts and safety, of whether we had a bottle accessible during take-offs and landings, of keeping track of passports, tickets, boarding passes, and of numerous, heavy carry-on items, all over the course of being in 4 airports over almost 2 full days.

Andy in particular had a couple of scares in which he forgot where he had placed his passport or his ticket. You know those terrible moments of realizing that something important -- your keys, your wallet, whatever -- is not where you thought it would be. You go a bit white in the face and break out in a sweat, you pat your pockets, check all the places where the missing, crucial item might be. When it's finally located, your mind and body breath a huge sigh of relief. Well, imagine all that, with essentially no sleep, over the course of two days of stressful international travel with a young child. Poor Andy! He actually handled the rest of the trip and our time at the Summit with his usual good humor and patience, but in these couple of instances of having something go missing, I saw even the ever-calm Andy get stressed out.

Thankfully, my paper pregnancy, labor, and delivery all ended with our happy arrival to our house in Decatur, to be greeted by gifts and a Welcome Home banner on the front porch. Yes, the arrival of my 18-month old baby was in every measure a joyous occasion! And that joy, and the demands of stepping into this new role of being a parent, have quickly overshadowed the trials and tribulations of getting my child home. But what an adventure it was and continues to be!

Lots of love,
PA

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